#Fanfic# 
Title: unnamed song
Fandom: X JAPAN Chapters: Oneshot Gender: yaoi, drama, romantic
Language: English Author: Midori [bluescat_girl]
Disclaimer: Yoshiki belongs to hide, hide belongs to Yoshiki. The only thing original is the story.
N / A: do not know why every time I post something whenever I like someone telling me a story still looking happy, as if I was complaining. "This happens to all those who publish? Then it is clear that this is the happiest that I can write.
unnamed song
Is not it amazing how one person can mean a world to another?
But what if your world, because of capricious fate, to be destroyed in just a glance, what would happen if, when turning, your world would disappear without ? Would you accept that your world has withered without saying goodbye? Would you deny desaparicióny that retain the image, the illusion of your world with you?
hide not only the world of Yoshiki, is your "everything." Is your air, your laughter is the rain that falls on your skin and tears discarded, it is the landscape she admires and the only voice he hears, his vision begins and ends with him . Perhaps this is healthy? No, but when someone is your world, you see it as something totally normal, just do not conceive of life in a different world. Yoshiki could not conceive of his life in a different world. -------------------------------------------
-13 December 2007 -
When I awoke, I looked out the window of my room only a clear sky. I really did not seem we were in winter there was snow outside and there seems to be too cold, yet I felt a little chill. A bird flew past the window. I missed going outside. Since we moved to the outskirts of the city, almost ten years ago, just came from that huge home more than the garden that surrounded it. Still not quite understand why hide not want to move back to the city, but I did not care, any place where we were together was perfect for me.
deep breath trying to get the outside air. Of course, with the window closed it was impossible. I stretched out my arms to try to remove the bolt, but remembered I had a small lock and never could find the key. Suddenly, I felt someone hit my body, back and rested his hands on my own, away from the window and bringing them down slowly, hugging my own body. Her hair tickled my neck to lean on me. I dropped a hand and ran my fingers through his soft locks. Masy deep breath after I inhale the sweetness of its aroma. I smiled to feel that one day, my angel was by my side. Inertia, let me turn into that light embrace. Two deep chocolate brown eyes stared at me wide open, as if he were awake hours, and under them, appeared a broad smile. Your child smile. I could not help it, I had to kiss that smile. Feel that everything around us was quiet and his eyes are just dirigíaa me was a feeling that always brought calm. Everything was able to be arranged by that look.
-Ohayo, hide.
did not answer, only just smiled again as she placed her cheek on my shoulder. She laid a kiss on my neck which caused me an electric shock through my back up and down. At that moment, I remembered something I had forgotten overnight.
-hide-chan, you know what day is today?
- "Yes I noticed how slowly nodded his head on my shoulder
, today is the day you come to visit. - What? - Visit us? I did not understand why he wanted to tell me, "Who comes to visit?
"Today is Monday. Pata Toshi and come every Monday for a visit. The know well. "Not true, I turned away from him took him by the waist. When they come not talk to you, ignore you as if you did not exist, "he looked angry. I do not want to see them. Why force me?
-Yo-chan -even with her smile, walked over and stroked my hair-
, doctors say ... - Doctors, Doctors! "I walked away, my body hitting the wall, and shouted angrily. Hated I always appoint these people, I'm sick of those damn doctors! Ten years ago I was trying and I'm not sick ... "I bent down, sit on the floor, hugging my legs, hide, I'm not sick!
-Yo-chan, please do not yell -walked up to me, knelt beside me and hugged me so warm.
not want to take us back to that room, right? Do not you want it to get those strings on the wrists and ankles, Right? -hurt-I unconsciously rubbed my wrists and I noticed the recent marks the last time. Sorry, I did not want ... "I let out a tear that he insisted on leaving.
"I know, Yo-chan -with your eyes closed, rubbed his cheek against my shoulder again
. Do not cry so do not give away your tears to any cause. Not worth it. hide
Although not see how that shed tear or noted down on my clothes, he knew this existed. hide always knew everything, knew when things were going to happen and where she knew when they would take us to that room, I knew who played the other side of the door. I do not know how, but he knew everything that happened, I just trust what I had. I knew that I never lied. Was the only one who had stood by me during the past ten years.
I sat under the window, to hide my arms. Although he was older than me, seemed much more fragile and, I will not deny it, loved to have him in my arms because it felt there was still someone who could care for and protected.
I do not care to hide know everything about me, even those things I never told him, but I realized that I did not always entendíaa him. I looked. After all this time there were still things not understood, but it was not important to him.
"Yo-chan, while you're on my side, no matter if you do not understand everything I tell you. All you need to know is that I never lie to you. " would last as long as I had left him clinging to life. With him there was more to peace, absolute peace. Neither cold nor hot. There was the round, all disappeared when I felt so nearby. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine a place far away where nobody could find us, where no one bothered with stupid medical sessions, where we could be just us two. A place where there was nothing except for us. Prayed daily for one day, we could find that place to escape and never return and this huge house where we lived. -------------------------------------------
Actually, that man did not know what to do with his case because he had never seen a patient after being treated for a period of time so vast, not improve one iota. He reviewed his notes again and again, trying to find the cause of the deterioration in the state of the pianist. Why was not able to find a cure for his disease?
"This is not normal ...
His table was completely full of papers. Yoshiki Although it was not his only patient at the center, it was the most time he spent in research, since they never saw someone so resist so rude to mediation.
-higher dose ... no, no ... that no longer works. There must be some way to retain their vision, reduce and kill ... hide somewhere in your mind ...
consulted doctors more experienced than him in that type of mental illness, read and reviewed one after another all the queries he could in his medical books, however, no matter the answer you should find in them, nothing worked with him. Their views each day grew stronger and as time passed, it was also strongest for any type of medication. He did not understand how chemistry could not suppress his disease, but only outside for a few hours. I really do not understand.
few knocks on the door of his office led to be taken by surprise and suddenly looked up on the dozens of papers. He passed to whoever was on the other side.
"Doctor, a young nurse poked her face through the gap that had opened," has come visit 12:00. Do you make happen?
"Yes, and prepare the patient for 103 for the session.
"Like say, doctor.
picked up a little as he could the desk in his office, placed and closed the buttons of his white coat. Two men entered his forties, and after appropriate welcome, sat on two of the three chairs in front of the table. A new session that would come, almost certainly, just as they entered. There were times I wanted to give up and send it all to hell, but his professional ethics prevented him. Again, the two men asked for the patient, but could not tell you anything new but still in the same stage of the disease. Neither better nor worse. Even after so many years, could continue to capture the pain and despair on the faces of those men. New
knock on the door interrupted the familiar and repeated conversation every week. The same woman from before his face looked the same way. You could see a mile away that this was an extremely shy young man and that work was not tell which came. The doctor made it happen and those men sitting there arose, awaiting the entrance of his friend. The young man entered and immediately was followed by one veteran patient, with his head down and stretched his arm back as if taking someone's hand.
It stood there, he would not sit. He always did the same. The young nurse smiled sweetly as she had brought patient before leaving the office, because she was not allowed to attend meetings. Who was still standing looked around, seeking more than the single seat remained free. Glared at the doctor and the other two.
- Why do you always leave just one seat?
-Yoshiki-san, please sit down.
"But ... Sentence-cut suddenly and looked to the side. After nodding and down his face, sat in that chair without question.
"Hello, Yoshiki, one of the men put his hand on the forearm of the pianist, who turned away as he noticed that contact.
-Yoshiki-san, with deep voice meant to convey authority, the doctor spoke to him are his friends.
's not true-up her face, where you could see an even greater anger. They are no longer my friends.
-Yoshiki-san, look at them. They are your friends.
"No, they are not. If they were my friends do not ignore it does not exist.
- I still see him? -Toshi quietly went to doctor, trying to get the other does not listen, but to no avail.
- Sure I see him! You are here, my side! Live with me, "How could not I see you!?
"Please do not yell ...
- just do not understand! -Yoshiki rose from his chair so suddenly that it fell to the ground is here, "he turned to one side and pointed to a spot in this void. Here, they looked wide-eyed, did not understand why the others insisted on not seeing what they looked.
-Yoshiki-Toshi rose and stood before him, took him by the shoulders, hide not there.
- go! He slipped from the hands of another. Shouted, beside himself is here! hide, he said to him, looked back to that point made earlier. Why? He seemed to really be talking to someone. But, hide-chan ...
- There! I'm sick of this! "I took shoulder again, Girandole to him. Yoshiki, hide understands that is not here. He's dead. Ten years ago he died.
- NO! You're lying! All of you are lying! -Gave them a look full of hatred and pain. Why did they want to hurt knowing that this guy still alive?
The pianist still crouched down and was right on the spot where he was, plugging his ears with his hands, replicating the lies again and again. One doctor allowed to see his impotence at the situation dropping into his chair as he watched the repeat of the actions of this man who had so long remained unchanged in the disease. Fell definitely saw sitting in the living room floor insistently repeating the same old words.
"hide alive. hide alive ". Not even notice the moment when Toshi had left the room and only came to hear a thunderous blow to close the door as he was leaving. Perhaps the time had truly come to give up with that man? Perhaps it was impossible that this man return to a state of normalcy? However, that doctor did not understand that the only viable state of normalcy to hide Yoshiki was one where I was.
- Could leave us alone for a few minutes, Dr. Murakami?
The doctor nodded and bringing up a long, loud sigh that told of suffering and the powerlessness that even hinted to the patient. Before leaving the room, could see the man with long hair and a dark jet sat on the floor next to blond pianist. Nothing could prevent the thought of this as a hopeless case.
-Yoshiki-spoke without direct contact with him because, after all these years, he understood that the slightest contact at that time could make the another exploded again, "I understand you," not even a glance from the other. You know what? I also see to hide.
Slowly, Yoshiki looked to the other, watching a little surprised with a look that hid a hint of anger. It seemed that this man had chosen the right words to start the conversation.
- Why did not you tell? Why did I believe all these years that I was lying?
"Because I do not see like you, Yoshiki, the other became doubtful his eyes. I can only see reflected you.
I do not understand ...
-Yoshiki "She smiled, looking first at those moments," I see the sparkle in his eyes on yours, I can see her smile etched on your eyeballs. After all this time, look into your eyes still hard for me because every time I do see his smile. I do not know how he did it, but put it in your eyes before you go.
- How to go? "He looked at the ceiling of the room, as if contemplating something," He left once, but returned and was not gone back. always hide me.
-Yoshiki-called, but the pianist seemed absorbed in his own thoughts, Yoshiki, this time I looked, and the guitarist pulled his views directly to each other's eyes. Do you know why she left?
-returned. That's what matters.
"He did not. Do not you understand? hide because they could not return.
"But I ...
"No, Yoshiki, slowly shook his head, keeping even that warm smile. You understand, you have to accept that hide left and the only thing left of him is his memory. What you see is only a memory of your image.
"You're like Toshi-turned away from the other and looked pained by the recent words had reached their ears. They want me to believe I'm sick. They pretend that I forget to hide like you did!
"No, never, though he still looked somewhat suspicious, refused to believe those denials how serious and strongly reflected in his face. Accept that someone has left our side does not mean having to forget him, "said the pianist turned his eyes to a fixed point on its side. I have never forgotten, Toshi has not forgotten. We have just accepted.
"But he's here ... -Smile illuminating his whole face, as he seemed to see that crazy guitarist.
-Yoshiki, it has been ten years. Accept at once. Please.
hide
"But back to my side.
"Please, grabbed the other's face with his hands, making him look up. Please. Do not want to leave this place? -Through each other's eyes went a little gloss while nodding his head slowly then agree that what you see is not real and that hide died.
- But that's not the truth, Tomoaki! "He rose from the ground, with whom he spoke angrily Why do you say these things in front of him?! He pointed to his side, where nothing made its way into the room I hurt with your words ... hurt us, "he lowered his eyes and his hand seemed to grasp something invisible in the air. Said to him ...
"So just get hurt you someday. Agree that is not here, never again-getting out of the place, walked cautiously to Yoshiki. If you do that so easy, you will be free of his chains and he does not ...
- Do not you be with me? Is it?
-Only dwell in your heart.
"But ... I do not want that, "left the man with long hair, looking incredulous. How could I even suggest that it would hide from him? -. I only want my side. That's all I need.
-Understand that ...
- But I do not want to understand the lies that try to make me believe! "Beside himself, the pianist aside to his companion a nudge, then going to the door I do not understand why I do this ... Why?! "Grabbed his head with both hands, causing tufts of hair from between your fingers.
-Yoshiki, calm down ...
- No! Out! OUT! "Fell on her knees, even with the head in his hands, swaying slightly from front to back, like a little boy with fear permeated the bones I do not want I do not want ... I do not want! I never want to see you! Go away! LEAVE!
Quickly, the room door opened and she appeared with the doctor that former lead singer and a couple of nurses after them, he found himself hit with the same scene each time mounted appointing that being that both repeated that with him. Helpless, he watched the man, toppled his feet, muttering phrases mecíay could not hear clearly, watching how he had failed his first case, which took many years, observed a man so completely deranged that doctor thought it was a mental illness. Was there something else to do now?
Although none of those present said they all had in mind the horrible adjective to describe the landscape locked inside the room. Macabre. His mind had flown back and now his eyes looked a lot more lost than in the past, shrunk himself, the man pulled her hair and covered her ears not to hear the words not yet out of anyone's mouth but he could already sensed. This insane name again and again out of his mouth.
"hide ... hide ... hide ". Grotesquely, the shadows were seizing the little light that now shone, creating small figures almost eerie to be defined.
"hide ..." . He did not even paying attention and people around him, but had done something wrong, I still was doing and knew I had to pay for it.
"hide ... I do not ...". Too late. Now, your particular torture and Ely would seize once again, the fuchsia-haired young man would leave his side for a while. Because where would Yoshiki, the company was not allowed.
"Take him. -------------------------------------------
" No matter where you go or where you are now, I'm always by your side ... Do not let anyone tell you what to see, what you think ... You and I know what's real and what is not. Right, Yo-chan? ". That blinding white
volvíaa reflected again in my baggy clothes. After many years of going to that place, my eyes had become accustomed to such whiteness. And not even trying to escape from there, because I had not realized it was useless and impossible. Maybe it was just to check ... I pulled one of my arms, trying to lift it, and realized with sadness and resignation that there were again the leather straps that bound and immobilized my body. No matter how long you visit There, the pressure in my chest continued and my wrists and ankles were not yet accustomed to being deprived of liberty.
I looked around. I felt my arm hurt, had injected me again that strange colorless liquid. Why would hide from me, he did not like that liquid that induced me into a deep sleep where everything was dark and only a few small lines of colored lights were seen. But my mind was back in that room is upholstered and covered in white, then where was hide? I watched all over my eyes to come, but he was not there, he could hear his breathing or his laughter.
-hide, where are you?
"I'm here, Yo-chan. looked everywhere in search of a voice that had spoken ... but did not see him. Why could hear his voice and could not see his face? Why tortured me more? I called again, but this Once I got no response. I wanted to mourn and cry. I wanted out of there. I shook violently, but even so I could drop the ropes that bound my body in that position on the uncomfortable bed.
Suddenly a hand was laid gently on my forehead and I was instantly quiet. Though his eyes closed trying to hold back the tears, I knew who was there at my side. My whole body relaxed and let the rebels out urgently tears.
- Where were you?
I replied. He lowered his hand resting on me until my neck, caressing the skin surface of my face. I wanted to open my eyes, but I was afraid that if I did I could realize that he was not actually with me. He grabbed my neck, making a little pressure on him, while his other hand separating the strands of my hair and touched my mouth breath.
-not leave me again, please.
- Will you forgive me? Will you forgive me for having been? "Just stand by me ...
And I saw him. I opened my eyes and there I was, inches from my face, smiling as usual tenderness. I still kept asking what the years had not affected or their expression and the brightness of your look. He gave me one of her kisses as light as clouds, and I felt pressure in my chest was no longer so and that the bonds of my limbs were not as tight. Her eyes spoke to me and told me to never let me. How could someone tell me that what I felt was not real? They have no idea.
heard a door open. What time should it be? How much time had passed? I looked toward the entrance with fear, but not for who could look out, but for fear that depart hide contact. But he sat next to me. Two men in robes as white as the walls of the place came to my body immobilized and one of them began to untie my ankles. Hurt. I could feel how old red marks were visible again. Another man pushed my body against the bed, as if afraid to run away and not feel as bonds. How stupid. Why would I go if all I needed was at my side? When freed my body, I drove to that wheelchair in which he always took me out of that place. My wrists were captive in the chair again, but I did not care. Nothing mattered.
hide
saw cheerful air walk in front of me, giving small jumps while humming one of her songs and her hair danced from left to right, top to bottom. I laughed as he smiled. In that chair I was brought to our room. Once inside, drop those strips again handcuffed me and finally I could sit beside him in bed. The door swung shut and the latch twice. The light came to pieces by that window locked with a padlock. Was completely enclosed. However, hide was there, smiling as if nothing had happened, reassuring me.
"Happy birthday, hide. -------------------------------------------
was one of the most difficult situations they had faced in his life, if not more so. Admit it was a hopeless case, I really could not do anything at that piano. What went wrong? What had I done wrong? Mattered little and why and the how. The reality was that I could do absolutely nothing for the patient who seemed to have lost what little sanity I could retain. The hardest part was not accepted he had failed as a doctor but explain to relatives that he had failed. For years saw the arrival of the moment, but never thought he would face down against him.
"So no longer can do anything?
"But that's not possible ... There must be a last resort.
"Sorry, the doctor lowered his face, embarrassed and ashamed for what he believed his own fault. The Yoshiki whom they knew is no longer here. Is impossible to recover.
"But ... but ...
"But perhaps the shocks can ...
"No way, looked impassively at the doctor who suggested that awful exit. I will not allow you to erase their memories.
"Just be a part of them, suitable to their hallucinations ...
"You're right Toshi anything while watching the various thoughts and emotions churning inside. I do not allow it.
-being so, sorry.
-Yoshiki ...
-Gone, "the guitarist whispered his words as if speaking to himself, the long curly hair hid his face bent down. He has gone to hide.
"But he is not dead, could not ...
"Yes, Toshi. It is incomprehensible to him for another guitarist smiled as he said this. Has nothing to do he is not dead. Yoshiki has finally gone to hide.
Without even saying goodbye and even with a small smile, Pata left that office already knew so well, leaving the other two there without saying a word. He never wanted to feel sorry for Yoshiki and that in a way, I envied him. He also wanted to get carried away in an instant lost of this world and create one where the guitarist had not died, one where both could be happy. However, did not let go. Do not know if it was an act of cowardice valentíao. Anyway, he knew that Yoshiki was the only one merited create a world of hide, was the only one who really belonged hide. He smiled a little to know that now Yoshiki could live in peace, if only in a world unreal and full of lies. They had done everything possible, but the last word that had always been a pianist, he was the one who chose his world. He left knowing that this place never volveríaa step. -------------------------------------------
-May 2 2008 -
Lately, our trips abroad were much more common, and the time had long stayed out. So long ago was the last time I was in that white room I do not remember. The lock that prevented direct sunlight enter and complete the window was gone. Every day I wake up seeing a fuchsia hair against my face.
-Ohayo, Yo-chan. Her voice fell upon my body each day upon waking. He never stopped smiling, never left my side. I watched him look out the window, whispering something to himself. The brightness of the sun gave him a strange but beautiful look delicate, like a porcelain doll. I walked Ely I also looked up the window, trying to guess what he was watching so intently. Her arms around my body at the waist and rested her head on my shoulder. His breath hit against my neck.
-Yo-chan, is it that makes a very nice day out? "It's true.
"So what are you waiting? -he left me and I reached out to mine to pose about her,
Come, Yo-chan. Let's see the sky. ran through the halls but we did not have any hurry, just did it for the pleasure to feel the wind whipping our hair. At the door, the sun blinded my eyes and hide for a moment disappeared from my field of vision. Suddenly, as if he knew of my fear of not seeing him, grabbed my hand. With eyes still half closed, I walked him to get caught in the shadow of the tree under which we always sat.
-Yo-chan, look. I turned my gaze to where his hand pointing. In one of the branches of the tree was fine weave a web that seemed about to be broken; in it, a little spider almost floating in the air. A warm feeling came over me suddenly, and I noticed the hide back resting on my chest. I breathed deeply, inhaling its aroma, sweetness. I passed a hand through his hair while still watching the little spider that had fascinated me. A melody hummed with us.
-Yo-chan, please sing that song. -¿Cuál?
-Aquella que me escribiste. -Oh... aquella...
"I can’t live without you here in the dark
I whisper your name over again
Give me the strength to seize the light
If I should find a way…
… I can’t live without
I can’t give without
I can’t breathe without you
Here in the world…
I’ll be and I won’t say goodbye ‘cause I…
I know I’ll be with you". ------------------------------------------- For that living your heart is impossible to banish and do the best science can against it, because a person is not truly dead until he is completely forgotten. Death does not rob us the people we love, we just keep them and immortalize to enjoy our memories. If someone lives in your heart, nobody can get him out, because that person will never leave.
