Series: East BL Circus
Title: blue irony
Fandom: Dir en Grey
Chapters: Oneshot
Genre: Drama
Language: English
Author: Midori [BluesCat- girl]
Disclaimer: Dir en gray belong to themselves and occasionally each other \u0026lt;3
irony blue
Sometimes when I look at you, I arises doubt. Is this correct? Is this OK to do? Anyway, you know I can not help it. I tried, you know I tried to stop ... but I'm not as strong as I thought.
Maybe someday forgive me for all this will achieve? Because your words actually mean nothing to me, there are more than superficial without deep meaning, but I need every day, every night, every minute I want you by my side, I feel loved by someone, you, I need your "I love you, your touch and your care. Do all that for me but I, what the hell I do for you? "Smile. Be happy. " What a stupid response. Do you think I'm so happy? You think I'm happy to see how I hurt you every day while you show me you do not care? Do you think I do not realize it, but yes I do. Just pretend not to see.
You and me. Have you ever thought you really work? Not me, I just surrendered to it. I chose the easiest option.
know this will never end, right? You know you will not stop loving me and that I not leave your side, fear of being alone, without you, it makes me hold on tight to your body. Did you understand this from the beginning?
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All I could see, tucked under those blankets, was given the dark night in their small enclosure. His pallid breath clashed with the thin white sheets that covered her body gently. Although it took hours awake, I had no intention of getting out of bed, but there was nothing to do. I had nothing to do teníaa no where to go or whom to go. I had nothing. He had not slept since that moment his life was shattered, since her heart was broken by the person he loved most. How could a word could hurt so much?
"Aishitenai."
touched his face, and insensitive to even shed tears, and could feel the cold in every pore of his skin white. How long would this last? How much time would have to bear the overwhelming pain clutching his heart? Unwittingly, he gave the name gave him much pain, calling in the dark.
-Daisuke ... Daisuke ...
He repeated over and over again, as if that person could hear, as if he could run after him and tell him everything was fine, I do love him. What idiocy. She was gone, had decided to leave and leave him alone. What had I done wrong? So many times he had asked in recent days that his answer was because "Everything." Everything had gone wrong. Since falling in love with him until let him go. I wanted ... no, wanted ... wanted with all his soul to return to his side. It was nothing, absolutely nothing without him. What's after him?
Shrank in the fetal position in which he was, even under the sheets and pillow clutched to plunge into her face. Closing his eyes, came to his mind that smiling face that he still loved, that big smile that left him speechless the first time he saw her, his dark eyes bright. If you let go, I could feel under his fingers the soft skin of youth. He longed to kiss those lips and the heat of the other will cause the slight tingling as when he hugged him. He only needed.
Under a blanket, could guess a hand resting on the bed. He opened his eyes snapped his fingers and walked slowly into the shadows of the hand, touching her gently. Still, would not uncover her face to the other could see how pathetic I was being that scene lasted longer too.
- Daisuke ...? His voice almost inaudible broken out of his dry throat.
-No.
-Toshimasa ...
He turned on himself, breaking the touch of her hands in sheets. It was Ela who wanted to see, who wished to speak. She closed her eyes to try to dive back into the illusory image of him and who therefore had come to miss. Where do you find in those moments? What did it matter now? Surely, the other would not remember, perhaps soon forget. Is that true? "Daisuke could I forget? Belittle his corazóny felt the tears piled back into their red eyes. I needed at that moment, I needed to have him at his side to clean the tears that threatened to leave, so your hands caress her face and lips besasen his mouth. However, now should get used to having him volveríaa never again, not even to him, because the pain would be so great cause you could not stand it.
Weighing next to him said the boy was sitting next to him in that bed, gently pushing the sheets that covered so lean. The other stuck to his body, giving it a warmth that I needed but that definitely was not the cries pedíaa your body, so he felt those hands surround him in a hug while his head rested on the young man's chest. Even with eyes closed, letting the other about your body and gently caressing her hair, while his tears fell and wet the clothes of the young. There was nothing wrong with receiving a little TLC when needed.
-Kaoru, are you asleep? Have you eaten anything?
had already forgotten when was the last time I was able to rest, giving the last morsel. But what matter if he did or not? Without Daisuke at his side and things were no rationale, there was no reason not to do the simplest. Without him there was nothing, there was nothing, had nothing. Did the young man could not understand that? Could not understand that by closing the eyes, just saw the smiling face of the other which heríaa darker and every second? And yet, still praying for that smile return to your side to say once more "I love you."
-Kaoru-smooth voice that came in a delicately sweet tone to her ears while her hands stroked her hair, come out of it. We will leave together. This is not the end of the world.
really was not the end of the world, but Kaoru could not imagine a place that was not the person he loved, he could not see beyond it. Perhaps this was indeed the end of their world.
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Did you realize now what happened? I do not know how you're able to get away with this. You're an idiot ... admirably idiot. However, there are still beside me, knowing the damage that makes you. Although pretend to deny it and hide it, every day I can see pain in your eyes.
I love you to infinity with that you love me, would love you as much as I loved him, but I can not. Still love him despite everything. You know I love you too, but there is something between us that is not the same. Do you understand that? I can not explain, just know that something that kept me from falling in love with you from the beginning. And maybe, things would not be better if we each go his way? Would learn to live apart, and I'm learning to live without Ela me. It's hard but what else can you do? I know you do not care what I can say about this, I know that I escucharásy that you will not get away from me, right? I do not I will turn away from you. However, I do it for myself, I do not want to stay away from me. Selfish.
Thanks. Thanks for being by my side despite knowing all this.
Sorry. I feel that, even knowing everything, you've fallen for me, I feel I suffer for my sake.
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The time had passed and I could see things with greater clarity. With the passage of time, had managed to open his eyes a little more to see who was actually at his side. He tried not to think of it, but every day I saw something, heard something, said something that induced a memory of Daisuke. This could do nothing, however, was a person who did try to fight against these uncontrollable memories raced through his mind. Toshimasa.
Again and again, he wondered how he had done so. What the hell was doing to that young man? He did not deserve this situation but, apparently, was something totally inevitable.
If eyes off the TV screen and tilted his head to one side, could see a long dark-haired girl walking quickly from one place to another inside a room. In her lips broke into a smile at least that slim figure and her eyes were fixed upon her when she was stopped just outside the door, turning away. Passed through his mind countless thoughts on the young, from trivia to apologize that had yet to tell. She rested her left cheek in one of his hands and crossed legs to raise them to the sofa where he sat.
-Kao-kun, how I have to say I do not like to upload your feet on the couch? Kaoru laughed
check again the nonsense activársele sixth sense seemed every time the young foot up your sofa. He returned to his previous position, even with a smile on his lips, and motioned the boy to sit beside him. Saw shook his head and looked at him with mock seriousness, so I got up and walked to the dark-haired, he took her hand while gently pulling it. Once seated on the couch, caused him to lay his head on his lap.
- Is this what you wanted to come? -At all bothered feeling the other stroking his head, but sometimes the oldest was a strange reaction "Do you think of something, Kaoru?
"I like when you call me" Kao-kun. "
-Kao-kun, "pronounced every syllable as he held a long one of his hands and cheek itched more with one of his fingers. Kao-kun. Kao-kun!
The young man laughed loudly as she said that nickname over and over and over again. The smile did not leave the face of most who watched the children in the act of another. The young man rose from his couch, while still repeating that name, and then kneel in front of Kaoru and rest their arms crossed over legs higher. A Toshimasa he could not describe the happiness I felt by watching the lips of his companion that simple curved forming face, a small smile that might not mean anything special, but for é l yes was. He smiled broadly, showing not so Kaoru dislocated his teeth, and bowed to the faces of both were to no more than a few feet away, he was just waiting for the greater would the next step, as he always did. Sooner than might have thought, his lips were caught at the mouth of someone who was in front of him, so soft, almost volatile. Kaoru knew that when he kissed, he did indeed.
"I love you, Kao-kun" with his usual childlike way, embraced the highest, burying his face into the neck of another.
"And I you, Toshiya" His fingers were lost in the softness of the hair of youth. I really ...
-Kaoru-still with his arms round her, lifted her face to look to the other, do not tell you that I love you for you answer me the same thing. I just do it because I want you to have this. If you do not feel the same, is not the end of the world.
One more of the small niceties that used to have this young man. "It's not the end of the world." Volvíaa remind you, once again, it is not so bad not have the love of who you love, just as he had said while Daisuke left him. But he thought of how he felt that time and it was impossible not to wonder if the young man beside him now feel even half the pain he was experiencing. He looked at the dark eyes that had landed on first discovered Ely sadness that kept and that those lips had told him never, never count him. Whispered a "Sorry" while the tips of his fingers caressing the white face of the child, who was then denied to the head as a smile back to her lips. But the sadness was still there in the darkness of her eyes shining.
She felt guilty for living a lie.
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Is it okay to ask someone's love, Toshiya? You think it's good that I asked you love me? Because, though you want to deny, I know with my own actions I've asked you not far from my side, I know I asked for your love in place of that I was caught. I know, and you know it too but do nothing to prevent this. Why do not you deny me? Would you rather be in this insane and unhealthy relationship?
think that this would make me happy, but do not think this is the happiness at all. Your words do not serve me, my phone facts are insufficient, give warmth to my inner ... You're not him. You can not cover his position and never you. Never get to love as much as you still love him. Never. Daisuke is still my all, memories of being with him is what still keeps me tied to this place, and not you. For you, Hara Toshimasa, you are nothing in comparison with him, your words are nothing compared to their mere sighs I touch your skin burn as was his touch, your love does not mean much to me. However, I need you.
How can you love someone like that? You deserve more, much more.
But I will not let you away from me. You have chosen well.
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could hear the rush of water falling from an open faucet, a mild whispers faintly audible, accompanied by the sound. Sitting on the floor of the bathroom was a young man with dark black hair, so long it came to covering his face crouching, drawing, with the tip of a finger, undefined shapes on the floor as she started humming a sad tune arrival in his throat. His cheek repose on their knees folded and their eyes were lost on the closed door of the place.
What if there were days like these? Were they so horrible that I could not bear it? The answer is no. He could endure anything. Although he had grown accustomed to the strange behavior and mood swings of the largest, having also fallen in love, that does not mean that it could have dismal days, did not mean to love him less. Perhaps even loved him more than yesterday. But there were moments when he almost could not hide this feeling of suffocation that comes to us all when we know that the person we love does not love us too. Although he knew, was unable to avoid the feeling well.
Kaoru What would if I knew that part of him? You may believe that it was not strong enough to hold them both and perhaps leave. No, Kaoru never leave him. "From now onwards, we are not separate. Promise me, Toshiya. " How to ignore these words? He never thought, even by a second, away from the more or try to forget it. I could not.
heard a knock from the other side of the door that led to surprise him, lifted his face and stared at the place where we heard the shots. He was glad to have put the flechettes to the door, not going to let Kaoru see him that way. He rose from his cramped position in the cold ground and was positioned in front of the mirror over the sink. He could see his face pale and haggard because of the inevitable little crying, a couple of tears still falling from his sad look. How had he finished this happening?
-Toshiya, I returned. Are you there?
-Hai-
almost silently coughed to clear his throat. Now I'm out.
- Are you okay? "He heard how the more he tried unsuccessfully to scream the one-hand Is something wrong?
"No, certainly not in the mirror, smiled a smile that the other could not see. Now I'm out.
waited a few seconds until he heard the hesitant steps away more. Licked his face with water still fell from the open tap, and aiming to erase any signs of sadness that could house it. Although, maybe "sad" was not the right word because how can anyone be sad loving another person? Toshiya did not think so. Simply, it was somewhat difficult to explain. A strange feeling of suffocation ensuing him sometimes that he can hardly breathe but, strangely, he liked. It was something I could not help, I knew that feeling well was to be with Kaoru, whom he loved and, for that matter, did not mind.
already almost completely recomposed, opened the door and came out with his usual smile and child to receive the other. I knew that, however sad it was his look, Kaoru ignore her, pretending not to see it. Believed they had completely deceived one another when the truth was that they knew everything but did not say anything. His shadowed secrets under a light about to be turned off.
-Kao-kun, "I walked around the neck with his arms and dropped a kiss on the lips, seeking each day. Okaeri.
For, having by your side when you love, can you really be sad? If you live in a lie that you've accepted yourself, can you get to feel sad? Do you think you're entitled to that feeling? Toshiya
knew there was no reason to feel well, even though he knew that Kaoru really did not love him, that his words meant nothing to him if he was at his side was for fear of being alone arouse N'Diaye. I did not care because sabíay and Kaoru was being selfish, he was so he needed the most to stay alive, their smiles gave him life and happiness of the other was his happiness; loved him so much that if they separated, her heart would break in the most literal sense of that word. Because he too was afraid to wake up one day and being alone, without Kaoru. Because life without him, like Kaoru's life without Daisuke, no sense, so I treasured every moment.
now only had each other and, more unhealthy and full of madness that was the relationship needed to move forward. They wanted to or not, could only be Toshiya Kaoru. Kaoru could only be Toshiya.
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